Most Brutal Head-But Ever

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23727914/

Seriously, what are the odds?

- Lyn

Lyn's Kitchen #1, The Challenge

Disclaimer: I'm skinny. Seriously skinny. I wear a size double-Ethiopian-- I'm that skinny. My blood pressure is so low, for all intents and purposes I can be treated as a zombie. As a result, all of my recipes show no regard for weight-loss; they are not intentionally low-carb, low fat, or low sodium. It will probably not fit into your diet.


Today, from Lyn's kitchen, we have:

Three Season Salmon

You will need:

1 small pot

1 small fry pan

1 knife

1 fork

1 spatula of the plastic variety

Ingredients:

1 piece fish (however much you like)

Basil to taste

Two tablespoons (ish) butter, unsalted

Egg noodles of any variety (I used spaghetti)

1 small purple (that's not red, seriously. Are they fuckin' blind?) onion

1.5 tablespoons Mustard

Dill to taste

Garlic Salt, lots.

First, fill the small pot with water and start it boiling. In the small fry pan, put one tablespoon of butter, and start simmering at low heat. The goal right now is to melt the butter. DO NOT BURN THE BUTTER. Burned butter is not tastey. Chop up some onion (as much as makes you happy) and dump that in the melty butter. Add garlic salt just until you can smell it. Allow this to simmer.

By now, the water in the small pot should be boiling-- add however much pasta you'll want to eat. Don't add salt to help it boil, you'll ruin the effect. Let the pasta boil awhile. Cut the fish into pieces roughly the size of your palm. Leave the skin on one side. Dust the non-scaly side with garlic salt and basil, and throw it in with the onions and all that butter, spice-side down. Once you start to smell the basil sizzling, turn the fish scaly side down. Idly flip the onions around the pan to amuse yourself while the fish is cooking.

Check the noodles. They're probably not done yet. After about a minute and a half, when the boredom is beginning to eat at your last nerve, flip the fish spice-side down again, and use the edge of the spatula to peel off the skin. Throw the skin in the garbage, or compost it if you're not having anyone over to your house for a good long while. Dust the now-bare side of the fish with garlic powder and a little basil, and flip it newly-spiced side down.

The noodles are probably nice and squiggly now-- if it sticks to the wall when you throw one, take the pot off the burner and drain the water out. Use that fork to prevent the noodles from escaping to the sink, then put the noodles on your plate. Put the remaining tablespoon of butter on the noodles, and flip them around with your fork until they're all coated.

Go back and flip the fish. Is it done? It should be light pink all the way through. If it is, turn off the heat, but leave the fry pan on the burner and pretend you're using every last bit of the coal-generated electricity it took to heat that burner.

Put some basil on the noodles. Some. Not a lot. Be careful, it's strong. For a single serving of pasta, I used about 1.5 teaspoons. Whatever. Stir that around with the fork.

Use the spatula to remove the fish and the onions from the buttery sludge on the bottom of the pan, and place these on the noodles. Put some mustard on your plate and add dill to it until it tastes right. The mustard is for dipping.

Wash your hands, then go eat.

This dish is high in fat, but the fish oil and all that garlic salt will probably make your arteries so slippery, the fat will slide right off. Also, carbs and starch are a big thing here. Mmm, carbs.

----

The Lyn's Kitchen Challenge

Everyone has been in the situation of lacking essential grocery items. After a long couple of weeks with no time off of work, sometimes you find yourself with a package of chicken ramen, a potato, three sticks of celery, some ketchup, and a bag of flour. This is seldom a no-win situation-- ingenuity will most often see you to a semi-tastey, mostly-edible meal. For example, in the situation above, dice the potatos, boil them; when they're almost squishy, throw in the ramen without the seasoning package and boil until the noodles are gooey, adding three or four tablespoons of flour to adjust the consistancy. Dice the celery and throw it in for crunch, drain some of the water out. Add 1/4 of the seasoning bag (that shit is strong), and ketchup to taste. Voila; a sodium seizure on a plate (or in a bowl, or the pot, depending on what's clean).


So I issue our meagre readership a challenge-- send me the list of groceries you have at your disposal, and I will create something mostly-edible for you.

Odelle, Suburbanite of Houston

Lyn did an intro entry, so I guess I should. I'm Odelle, I'm 23 and working at a hospital in a suburban of Houston. She's got more of the downtown lowdown, so my perspective will be more of that of someone that's gotta drive to visit the "cool" hangouts around Houston.

Tonight is St. Patrick's, so I went to Cellar Bar in Clear Lake to have that whole experience. It was actually kind of dead in there. I got hit on, of course, but he wasn't my type. My coworkers that I was with bailed early. I was still with a friend of mine, so we walked over to the bar next door, Molly's Pub. Despite being Irish, it was almost the same, so I was disappointed.

I've been thinking about going to see Ministry when they come to town, but I'll wait for the next payday to purchase a ticket. I need Cure tickets, too.

I'll keep it short this time. I've gotten a few numbers from people lately, so I'll update if anything happens. Probably not, bars aren't really the place to meet people.

Lyn, Urban Journalist

Lyn is not my real name. If you attempt to track down a disgruntled woman named Lyn, you will probably succeed, but it won't be me.

I am a thin, athletic, mildly attractive woman with no significant psychological hang-ups-- unless you count having standards as a hang-up. Once upon a time, I could only drink wine coolers, but I've worked my way up to Guinness and rum punch. One day, I hope to be able to shoot vodka like a pro. I play keyboards and write music by night, and am an audio technician by day. I like metal music.

I am near-psychotically fearless. This fatalism is likely due to my complete lack of respect for Death as a concept. Buddhism in a nutshell-- this shit has happened before, and it's going to happen again. Everyone dies. One day, I'll die. I hope to die before I need to wear adult diapers.

I was IQ tested numerous times during my primary and secondary education, and the mean score was 168-- but I still do stupid shit, use foul language, and fuck up like a regular jack-off. I recently attempted to involve myself with a local protest organization, but was shunned for using too many big words.

I believe in standards and discrimination-- not based on race, ethnicity, gender, age, sexuality, or religion, but on merit and quality. I believe in true love, women's rights, and earning my own keep. I believe in tolerance of differences, but not of what is wrong-- Budd Select should be tolerated, but Coors Light is Wrong. I believe that we are all responsible for taking care of our earth, for the actions of our elected government, and for living good lives. I believe that people who have random sex are sluts-- but if it makes you happy, whatever. Wear a condom.

These things will all provide you with some perspective on how and why I think and write the way I do. You may agree, you may not. Hopefully, I've already offended you.


Additional useless information:
I like candy. A lot. If you approach me in a dark van and offer me candy, I will taze you and take your candy.

Privacy is for People Without Guns

And Texas is for People With Guns

Months ago, a friend of mine and I were walking downtown, and she commented that if both of us were wearing heels, and since there are only two of us, that we would be Second Base in the City. This evolved into a conversation about high heeled shoes, virginity, and urban life. It was determined then and there that we should have Urban Adventures (like regular adventures, except in a region whose general population is, well, a lot), and that we should blog them for the enjoyment of others.

This blog will probably appeal to women and gay men aged 17 to 35, and moreso to citizens of Houston. Or any city that isn't New York, really-- NYC has its nose up its own ass. Seriously.

My fellow Urban Adventure Journalist and I will make separate posts, sometimes about the same thing, to provide you with multiple perspectives on the same event. Also, due to our differences in personality and how we express ourselves, we will introduce ourselves separately.

Every post will begin with the pen-name of who is writing it. Sometimes there may be guest contributors, and he or she will have to introduce his or herself before writing. Their opinions may not reflect the opinions of the blog owners, and the blog owners may not reflect each other's opinions. Every entry remains the intellectual property (and responsibility) of the writer.

Let the games begin.