Sake Lounge on Smith and Texas, downtown, makes wonderful sashimi, and the best sticky rice with plum sauce I have ever tasted. Go on Sunday evenings, when no one is there, to get the fastest service and the best presentation.
Lyn's Kitchen
Recipes for Regular Jack-Offs
Recipe #2: Dirty Hippie Spaghetti
Lyn;
Here's a challenge. I'm broke, I'm busy, and I'm a vegetarian. How can I make a meatless meal in a hurry?
Sincerely,
Doesn't Bring Home the Bacon
Dear Dirty Hippie;
You will need:
1 slice bread
1 serving spaghetti noodles (or whatever)
1 jar premade spaghetti sauce (check to make sure there's not meat in the sauce)
1 vege burger patty (I use Morning Star Griller's Prime, because I'm a picky bitch)
Garlic salt
Butter (or margarine, if you're a dirty Vegan hippie)
Basil
Fill your small pot with water (from the tap. You'll live. I promise.) and set it on the stove. Put your stove on the setting appropriate for boiling water.
Put your vege burger patty on a small plate, and put it in the microwave for 1/2 the recommended time listed on the box. When it's done, take it out of the microwave and use a paper napkin or towel to blot off the vege grease / water. Set this aside.
Prepare your noodles-- try putting a tiny bit of basil in the water as they boil. It gives your noodles a hint of tasty basil. When you've boiled your noodles somewhere between al dente and blob-of-starch, drain them. Put them on your dinner plate, they're done.
Now, (use the same pot), put in as much spaghetti sauce as you think you'll need. Now, put in a little more. Screw the lid back on your jar of spaghetti sauce and put it in the fridge-- that shit keeps forever. Put your pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove. Add a little basil, because it's tasty. Also, a little garlic powder-- because garlic is insanely good for you, and premade stuff never has enough of it.
Break your half-heated vege patty into little pieces, and stir the pieces into your spaghetti sauce.
Put your bread in the toaster (/toaster oven. Whatever.). When it pops back out, grab it as fast as you can (if your fingers aren't burning, you're doing it wrong) and smear some butter on it. Sprinkle some garlic powder on it. Put it on your dinner plate, as far away from the noodles as possible.
When your spaghetti sauce is simmering, turn off the heat and let it sit for a minute while you stare into the abyss of your fridge and decide what you want to drink. When you've got that figured out, return to the sauce pot (shut the damn fridge door) and remove it from the stove. Dump it on your noodles.
Enjoy. For best results, wash your dishes within eight hours of food prep, or the tomato-based spaghetti sauce will fuse to your sauce-pot, and everything you make from now on will taste like ass.
An Explanation of the Post Title
I held a party at my apartment on Saturday night. It was amazing. We gathered at the top of my parking garage, herded around midtown looking for food, then met some of my coworkers at a local booze-and-wings spot. After much shuffling around, it was decided that two of my friends would go to Specs before they stopped selling, then meet us out on the porch. We then all herded back to my apartment for mixed drinks and card games, followed by a showing of Orgazmo (giggle-worthy when sober, much better when drunk). A good time was had by most.
I don't let people drive home drunk from my apartment. If they have to drive home, then they hydrate like a mad beast, stay until 03:00, and pass the Lyn Sobriety Test.
However, some people are stupid, and don't have the benefit of the asshole friend who takes people's keys. They will decide that, even though they are drunk, they're not very drunk, and therefore they will drive themselves home anyway. You know the type-- they come speeding out of downtown and midtown and the Montrose area at fifty miles an hour on a dark, crowded city street, completely forgetting that they are pilotting a fucking huge piece of steel and flammables that can easily obliterate most things in its path. Your car or truck is dangerous. If you're not smart enough or patient enough or have a long enough attention span to drive, you shouldn't. If you're drunk, you should consider cutting off your testicles or removing your own ovaries with a spoon before you should ever even think about getting behind the wheel of a car, you brainless maggots.
I had a friend over at the party who is underage. I plead the fifth on the alcohol issue, because I know his parents let him drink-- indeed, encourage him to drink, because he is in his early adult years and needs to run that phase out while his attention span is still short enough that he'll get bored with it, rather than becoming a raging alcoholic. He also, it's worth mentioning, has the best of all possible parents. Even this kid knows drinking and driving is fucking stupid.
Take a hint, readers. Be the friend that takes the keys away. Be the friend that stops drinking at midnight so they can drive their drunk idiot friends home at 02:00. Do not be one of the thrice-weekly drunk driving accidents I can see from the window of my apartment. It's not funny. It's not attractive. And it's not smart. So quit doing it.
But still, eat, drink, and be merry. Because tomorrow you could be run over by some jack-off in a Hummer who wants to prove how big his dick is by speeding around downtown after five beers.
Love,
Lyn
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